Saturday, September 6, 2008

Man I miss you Ryan.

Man I miss you Ryan. I just can’t believe that you are gone. There are days when it seems like everything is the way that it had always been. I go through my day subconsciously believing that real soon you’d come home smelling like pizza and asking me to crack your back. I loved giving you those great big bear hugs, even though in these last few years it was getting harder and harder to reach around you’re broad shoulders to do it. It was during this time of year we would start throwing the football around, talking about if the Lions would ever win anything again, since Barry retired. Or how we would do everything we could to get the TV remote and then crash on the floor after church on Sundays to watch the game, often wrestling around at halftime for control of the couch.

This is a really weird time for me. It’s a special bond that a man has with his children. I know that I won’t do it justice by the words that I birth on this page. Sons and daughters are so different. Daughters steal your heart away on the first hug and never give it back again and sons, well sons, are like a little pieces of you walking around that you hope and pray will “do” life more “right” than you did. I think that is why dads can be hard on their sons when they are growing up. I pray that God gives you many sons and daughters in your life. You need to have a lot of kids, you will be great with them Ryan.

I am so proud of you and I know beyond knowing this is exactly where you need to be, and that this separation isn’t the end of the story, but I still cry for the way it used to be. Tears roll down my face today, because while you were here, I acted like it would never end, never considering these days of separation that are now upon us. I long for your call as I never have before and that is a harsh and sad reality.

“Wherever you are be all there.” Jim Elliot.


Jennifer D. said...

Ok I didn't realize you were writing again, first of all. Next, I too am balling reading this. These last few days I have really started to miss him too. Not like I saw him all the time or talked to him everyday. I think it is more the fact that even if I wanted to, I couldn't do either. Flesh or sound. He is just kind of gone to us, aside from the stray message or poem he is gone. It is making me super sad right now. I know this is temporary and he will return so different. I long for that day.

BeautifulFeet said...

I miss all of you guys too, and sundays too! those were my favorite days. a good day with family and a good night with friends. and football... miss all of you guys